Alarming!

So every morning is pretty much the same routine for me… snooze for awhile, finally get up and get ready and try to make it out the door by 7:30am (at the latest). Some days, it is earlier, and lately, its mostly been later. Which sucks, because 15min makes the commute hairier.

This morning was much the same, I was for sure running late as the kitchen clock said 7:47am and I was just headed out the door – whoops, oh well, what can ya do, right? I get to my car, unlock it, all the while attempting to not open the door too far, otherwise it makes a horrible *CRACK* that echos throughout the building. It’s embarrassing and no, WD-40 is not the solution (and for that matter, pretty sure neither is duct tape). While doing this, I am also simultaneously putting in my purse, lunchbox, and holding my keys in my hand (normal, right?).

Who knows what I did, but apparently upon sitting down, my hand with the key-faub (dauber is what I lovingly call it, Morgan corrects me every time… just like how I say “Dobby” from Harry Potter. I pronounce it like Doe-be, it annoys the crap out of Morgan – hehe, sorry babe – and here is a little support that I am not the only one out there who has thought of this Proununciation). Anyway, I digress, as I was saying, I hit the “lock” button and the doors went “whipt” (that’s the sound they make then they lock, say it really fast in your head). Now you have to understand, I have a very old Volvo, going on its 14th year now. In dog years, that’s like almost dead. But it does have a few “bells and whistles” most of which no longer work.

The heated seats maybe worked for the 1st month (drivers side only though), the blinker sometimes decides to not “blink”, the brakes have perfected the high pitched squeak that would rival a taxi cab, my seat only moves forward/back, up/down, it no longer reclines, so it’s permanently stuck a little too reclined, the material is coming off the sunroof (which I think still works), the gas door doesn’t shut all the way – though it doesn’t get stuck as “locked” anymore, the “light is out” dashboard warning is always on – and mostly because there are ALWAYS lights out no matter how often I replace them, the speakers are blown, and then of course, there is the door cracking.

Sorry, very distracted, where was I? Oh yes, the doors had just locked me in, which I usually do lock them, but for some reason, I did not want them locked at this point, so I pulled the knob back up. There, all better. Now, I don’t know if it was my locking the doors w/ the dauber or my unlocking the doors manually that caused the problem but when I stuck my key in the ignition and turned…. I got what seemed like an almost dead battery. The engine wasn’t turning over, the antenna was trying to go up (oh yeah, it is stuck down permanently, so the motor just grinds trying to get up all the way – that’s what she said) and the typical warning lights all illuminated like normal.

JUST GREAT. At this point, I am already pretty late and I start to think, ok, at least there’s Morgan’s car… all the while, I am trying desperately to get my car engine to turn over. I think through my limited supply of possibilities… ok so the lights don’t seem dim, and there was nothing on when I got to the car, it must not be the battery. I’ve had my alternator go out before, maybe that’s the problem… neither possibility seems, right.

Ok, so I’ll just get out of the car. Shit! The moment I pulled the door handle – the car alarm immediately went off (and I can see there IS another person in the garage). Please, let this stop! The car alarm on my car is odd… there is no “panic” button, but merely, lock and unlock. It is always a challenge to figure out how to get it to stop and it’s rather loud (especially when echoing in a garage). I’m standing next to the car pushing both keys frantically and Thank Goodness! the hell ended.

I yelled my apologies across the way, freakishly embarrassed and scurried to get back into my naughty car. I put my key in the ignition and wa-la! Instant gratification (that’s what she…)! At this point I know what the issue was… it was my “anti-theft” mechanism. That I neither know how to activate or deactivate. I have accidentally set off the alarm before, and usually it’s involving locking/unlocking the doors w/ the key dauber. Why on earth would that set it off?! I mean really! The car thinks I am a thief only when I attempt to use the remote entry while in the car!? What idiot would do that on purpose, I mean, there are buttons in the car for that sort of thing. And if I’m stealing the car, am I really worried about locked doors? Wouldn’t I care more about ignitions and driving?! Then I think, well maybe it was because I unlocked the doors from the inside after they had been remotely locked… um, wouldn’t that require me being IN the car first… and I’m not usually just leaving my car doors open for a thief to sneak in and then, when I’m gone, he tries to sneak out… haha, I can just see that happening it made me smile…

So, if anyone understands Volvos, what is the point of their alarm system? If it is merely to embarrass me, well then, it’s doing a fine and dandy job of it! But seriously, please, if anyone knows how it works, why it works the way it does or any other help.. please, let me know.

Oh and did I mention the thermostat stays or causes the car to over heat or it freezes causing the car to not heat up very fast and the air conditioning blows warmer air than the cool air?